Monday, September 17, 2012


Friday, while crossing the US/Canada border into my homeland, the border guard said, "See ya Jen".  I replied with my usual "thank you!" [insert dashing smile].  But as I was driving away I thought, "did he just call me Jen? Have I really crossed the border so many times that we are not only on a first name basis, but a nickname basis?"  A rough estimate does puts me at 260 crossings, so I guess it is possible.

I had to make two border crossings last week.  Well, I guess I didn't technically have to make two trips.  But because life as you know it stops when your iPhone stops working, I deemed the drive time and $30 in gas worth the visit to Verizon Wireless.  Let me tell you this, that trip was a waste of time and gas money.

Poor lost soul with a dead iPhone: "Hi, the email on my phone stopped working, so I tried to restore the phone to factory settings, but something is wrong with the phone hardware and I can't reload the software.  I have insurance, I would like a new phone."

Evil Verizon worker with no soul: "Riiiiiggghhhtttt...We can't be sure this is a hardware problem.  You should go to Apple."

Slightly angry poor lost soul: "Why the hell have I been paying $10 a month for insurance if it doesn't actually cover the phone when it is broken.  What a joke!"

Fat, stupid, balding man who has to tell chicks he works at Verizon: "What if you had dropped the phone and the screen had broken?  Then you would have insurance to cover that."

While storming out of the store, I came up with the brilliant idea that I would just smash my phone on a curb, shattering it to pieces and then they would have to give me a new phone.  BRILLIANT!!  What was actually brilliant, was that I called customer service before I did this.

Evil genius Jen: "Hi, I accidentally drove over my phone shattering it to pieces [do people actually do this?].  Does my insurance cover that?"

Overly sympathetic customer service representative: "I am so sorry that this has happened to you [a phone dying is apparently the equivalent to a family member dying].  It shows here that you do have insurance, but because you have the iPhone there is a $169 deductible."

Still evil, but not-so-genus Jen: "Oh....[silence and silently thanking baby Jesus that I didn't smash my phone].

Overly sympathetic customer service representative: "Once again I am so sorry this has happened to you, but I see here you are doing really well with your minutes, Er....I mean you have the 900 minute plan [I went over my minutes last month, so this consolation was not going to work, I could not stop laughing].  I can send you the paper work and we can have a new phone mailed to you in a week.

Verizon wireless hater Jen:  No thanks!  Bye!

I didn't have time to visit the Apple store that night, so I sadly went back to Canada and spend the week sans cell phone.  It actually wasn't that bad (Awk!  I can't believe I said that!)  I wasn't distracted by text messages, phone calls, Word Welder or stalking Mike's Facebook.  I did miss a couple of things though; mostly the ability to tell time and set an alarm.

Friday night Mike and I headed down to Apple with high hopes that the Genius Bar would live up to its name.

Hopeful Jen: "My phone died blah blah blah blah and I don't know how to fix it."

Apple employee: "Let me take a look at it!  I will be right back."

My new best friend: "I couldn't fix it, so here is a new phone."

Overjoyed Jen: "Wait...there is no charge?  Or delivery wait time?  Or annoying fat balding man?  Or annoying sympathetic women who can't tell how many minutes I have actually used?"

I heart Apple.

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