Monday, September 24, 2012

Hardcore: A person who steals free things

Today I have an embarrassing burglar alarm story for you.

My friend Christina and I call the shoplifter alarm in stores the burglar alarm.  I'm not really sure why we call it that, but I'm not really sure why we do a lot of things...

Like why we did we dress up in my old dance costumes and feather boas and have photo shoot?

30th Birthday photo shoot. Photograph by Mike Griffith photography

You just can't explain fabulous.

So, today I went to UBC Library to get a new book to read.  I ran up two flights of stairs, grabbed the book, ran back down two flights of stairs, and then left the library without checking out the book.

I guess I should say I "tried" to leave the library without checking out the book.

To exit the library you have to pass through a burglar alarm and then push through a gate.  BUT if you pass through the burglar alarm with a stolen book, the gate won't open.  This results in the book thief falling over the top of the gate.  If that wasn't embarrassing enough an alarm also goes off.  An alarm in a library is SO LOUD.  But UBC libraries didn't stop there, they included a flashing red light.  OH. MY. GOD.

I ran to the self check, and broke the Canadian record for fastest library self-check.  I told the librarian it was my first day.  Really it is my 1,825th day...but who is counting.  

Monday, September 17, 2012


Friday, while crossing the US/Canada border into my homeland, the border guard said, "See ya Jen".  I replied with my usual "thank you!" [insert dashing smile].  But as I was driving away I thought, "did he just call me Jen? Have I really crossed the border so many times that we are not only on a first name basis, but a nickname basis?"  A rough estimate does puts me at 260 crossings, so I guess it is possible.

I had to make two border crossings last week.  Well, I guess I didn't technically have to make two trips.  But because life as you know it stops when your iPhone stops working, I deemed the drive time and $30 in gas worth the visit to Verizon Wireless.  Let me tell you this, that trip was a waste of time and gas money.

Poor lost soul with a dead iPhone: "Hi, the email on my phone stopped working, so I tried to restore the phone to factory settings, but something is wrong with the phone hardware and I can't reload the software.  I have insurance, I would like a new phone."

Evil Verizon worker with no soul: "Riiiiiggghhhtttt...We can't be sure this is a hardware problem.  You should go to Apple."

Slightly angry poor lost soul: "Why the hell have I been paying $10 a month for insurance if it doesn't actually cover the phone when it is broken.  What a joke!"

Fat, stupid, balding man who has to tell chicks he works at Verizon: "What if you had dropped the phone and the screen had broken?  Then you would have insurance to cover that."

While storming out of the store, I came up with the brilliant idea that I would just smash my phone on a curb, shattering it to pieces and then they would have to give me a new phone.  BRILLIANT!!  What was actually brilliant, was that I called customer service before I did this.

Evil genius Jen: "Hi, I accidentally drove over my phone shattering it to pieces [do people actually do this?].  Does my insurance cover that?"

Overly sympathetic customer service representative: "I am so sorry that this has happened to you [a phone dying is apparently the equivalent to a family member dying].  It shows here that you do have insurance, but because you have the iPhone there is a $169 deductible."

Still evil, but not-so-genus Jen: "Oh....[silence and silently thanking baby Jesus that I didn't smash my phone].

Overly sympathetic customer service representative: "Once again I am so sorry this has happened to you, but I see here you are doing really well with your minutes, Er....I mean you have the 900 minute plan [I went over my minutes last month, so this consolation was not going to work, I could not stop laughing].  I can send you the paper work and we can have a new phone mailed to you in a week.

Verizon wireless hater Jen:  No thanks!  Bye!

I didn't have time to visit the Apple store that night, so I sadly went back to Canada and spend the week sans cell phone.  It actually wasn't that bad (Awk!  I can't believe I said that!)  I wasn't distracted by text messages, phone calls, Word Welder or stalking Mike's Facebook.  I did miss a couple of things though; mostly the ability to tell time and set an alarm.

Friday night Mike and I headed down to Apple with high hopes that the Genius Bar would live up to its name.

Hopeful Jen: "My phone died blah blah blah blah and I don't know how to fix it."

Apple employee: "Let me take a look at it!  I will be right back."

My new best friend: "I couldn't fix it, so here is a new phone."

Overjoyed Jen: "Wait...there is no charge?  Or delivery wait time?  Or annoying fat balding man?  Or annoying sympathetic women who can't tell how many minutes I have actually used?"

I heart Apple.

Friday, September 7, 2012

It's going terrible, thank you for asking

I can't stop laughing!  This comic is so true.  Please please please never ask me how my research is going.  Does anyone ever have a positive answer to this question???

Thursday, September 6, 2012


When I sit down to write a blog post, I channel inspiration through song.  I will youtube a song that I have been crushing on and play it on repeat.  Here is my newest love and the my current inspiration source.
Press play and continue reading!

I am now officially married to an old man.  If you know me, you know that this is a good thing.  I am always drooling over older men.  Salt and pepper??  Yes please!
To celebrate the big three one, I surprised Mike with Starbucks in bed, a bottle of Petron tequilla, and golf lessons.  I am such a dream wife.
Practicing his skills at the driving range
The icing on the cake was a hike to Twin Lakes.  We have been talking about this hike for months.  We really wanted to make it a hiking/camping trip, but we found ourselves without a dog/cat sitter, so we figured we would just go round trip in a day.
A little internet research led us to believe we were looking at a 16 mile hike.  This was not going to be a casual stroll, but we figured, "Hey! We are hardcore, we can handle this!"
We parked the car on the Mountain Loop Highway (about 26 miles from Granite Falls) and started the first part of our trek...a four mile (or so we thought, 5.5 in reality) walk down a washed out road to Monte Cristo (an abandoned mining town)

The bridge was washed out so we crossed via log

Old school car bridge (above); Arriving at the town! (below left)
Some of the old buildings (below right)

 We stopped for our first lunch of the day, and a ranger asked us how far we were planning on hiking. "We are going all the way to Twin Lakes today" we said.  "Oh, [long pause] that is a long hike" he said.  We both shrugged and carried on, what do rangers know anyways...

We left the town and headed towards Poodle Dog Pass.  Great views, great trail, and great times!

We stopped for our second lunch (the best part of hiking is all the food you get to eat).  We taped up our blistering heels and checked out the map.  At Poodle Dog pass the trail splits and you can hike half a mile to Silver Lake (picture above) or 2.7 miles to Twin Lakes.  We had made it this far!  There was no turning back!  The trail was difficult...boulders, cliffs, loud chipmunks...but the view from Twin Peaks Ridge made it all worth it.

At the ridge we checked the GPS, we had already gone 9.5 miles and it was still another 0.7 miles down to the lakes!  Um...if my math is correct we would be looking at 19 miles total if we turned back at the ridge.  We would have to dip our toes in the lake another time.  We ate our third lunch, cried over our aching feet, aching bones, aching muscles and then ate our fourth lunch.  
We hauled ass back to Poodle Dog Pass and collapsed in heap of sore feet and stink.  The flies were swarming, we were out of water and we still had 7.5 miles to go.  
We stopped at a stream, about a mile from Monte Cristo and filled up the water bottles.

This was one of my favorite parts of the day...just sitting by the stream, purifying water and finding comfort in the fact that were both physically miserable but still having an amazing adventure.
The sun was starting to set at we passed through Monte Cristo, so we strapped on our head lamps and made our way through the woods back to the car.  I was pretty sure that wolves were going to jump out and eat me.  I have watched Beauty and the Beast enough to know that they come out a night, snarling and howling.  

We made it back to the car at 8:30 pm - 11 hours, 19 miles and 3500 feet of elevation gain.  Our toes were numb, heels were skinless, hip bones were bruised, and muscles and joints were sore.  We lost the ability to climb or descend stairs gracefully and we walked like a pair of 90 year olds.  I like older men...but not that old.  

To say the least, it was an amazing adventure, I can't wait until our next one.